Reading Torah again this year after completing a full year of study with Rabbi Gordon has been an incredible experience. He taught Torah and I did try and follow along with the Hebrew, but I didn't read it myself. As I think I've mentioned before, reading it, alone (i.e., usually without commentary, but today with a lot of commentary to break down the poetic verses of Ha'Azinu), has been incredible.
One of my favorite verses in Torah came today - Devarim 32:10 (and really only the first half I understand so far): "[G-d] found [Bnei Yisrael] in a desert land, and in a desolate, howling wasteland. H' encompassed them and bestowed understanding upon them; H' protected them as a the pupil of G-d's Eye."
A verse totally packed with incredible imagery and energy and blessing. First beginning with the place we are found - I think the obvious reference is to Bnei Yisrael traveling through the desert in the 40 years - but perhaps it could also and probably does stretch as far back to Avraham as well, crossing over the river after being sent, in a wasteland, or of course Yaakov as well, journeying alone in the desert to escape Esav's wrath. And the most powerful message of all is that we should see ourselves in Torah, too - that we are in the wasteland - a desert howling with corruption and misdeeds and the swirl of the unfortunate zeitgeist - and that, really, none of this matters - it is simply where we are found, where we are currently to be found, a temporary and meaningless (not totally bereft of all meaning but certainly not where we want to be) dwelling place.
And that redemption is most definitely possible and in fact a guarantee - that H' will and in fact already has "encompassed [sivivon - surrounded/turned all around - like a dreidl] them and bestowed understanding upon them."
This "bestowing of understanding," I think, first of all must be the basis of the section of the Shemoneh Esrei regarding the grant of understanding and knowledge. But the verses give an incredibly clear and fascinating timeline of post-flood re-creation/formation as well: G-d cast lots, set boundaries between the peoples, and G-d's "lot" so to speak fell upon the Jewish people. But just as I wrote yesterday, the relationship must be both two ways (we must understand that we have this understanding/ability to distinguish and separate too) and one way, in that the grant came from one place alone (the grantor - the decider of the lots - the creator and former - G-d). And so we were given this understanding, and therefore, in the context of yesterday's parasha, why would we ever want to separate or distance ourselves from that grant?
I'm piecing together a new framework for me. A framework that incorporates the "father-child" motif (a very basic place to start), the "creator-createe" morphing into "co-creator" theme, and another teaching/other teachings I learned which try to parse out the levels of the soul and their various connections to the Oneness of H' (souls as creations with varying degrees of attachment/detachment or connection/hiddenness to the Source) - all in an effort to further understand the true relationship between a human - well, in reality, me - to G-d. It's getting closer and Torah is the true guide on this path - G-d finds me, or found me, in a howling wasteland, and surrounded me, and gave me understanding, and then protects me "as a pupil of G-d's eye" - and what that last part means will have to wait for further meditation. And this protection, should I choose to stay close, is endless.
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