Act Against Your Will

 As always, everyone is entitled to their commentary, and everyone is, of course right, but there are some that just speak to me more than others.

In taking an unusual approach, my edition of the chumash lists four approaches to the facially perplexing decision of G-d to forbid Balaam not to go with Balak's emissaries the first time but to go with them the second time.  Why would it happen this way?

There are many heavily textual commentaries, picking up on what was and was not said.  But this is a mystical blog, after all.

The answer lies in the supposed "permission to go" in Bemidbar 22:20, in which G-d tells Balaam that sure, he can go, but "only the instruction that I shall speak to you that you shall do."

In other words, here we have yet another example of a truly evil person having their free will taken away in order to sanctify H'.  This, of course, reminds us of exactly what happened with Pharaoh - in which his heart was hardened to the point where G-d told Moshe that he would refuse, again and again, until it wasn't.

What is actually going on here?  Is it actually true that our free will can be taken from us?  This seems counterintuitive because the main purpose of life is to constantly be making a choice for good - a choice that we have because we have free will.

But this is, in fact, perhaps the greatest gift, that we are not robots, playing out a pre-ordained script.  And, if you think about it, having free will taken away is the greatest curse than can befall someone (outside of the normal tragedies - but, even then, surely there are lessons to be learned if we find them).  When free will is taken away, there is nothing to be gained and absolutely everything to lose.

So, yes, the first time Balaam, using his free will, asked permission, was told no and, in fact, did not go.  Perfect.  He was left alone, listened to G-d, and exercised his free will, even if such free will resulted in inaction.  But then the next time - knowing the answer was going to be no, he asked again, and was given a choice and the precise consequences if he chose the wrong answer - that his free will would be taken away.  And at that point he was then used solely as an instrumentality to carry out G-d's will, a will totally inapposite from what he was "supposed" to do.  It was just taken out of his hands.  

When the answer is no, it may not be best to ask again, or if you do ask again, just be prepared for the answer to be no again.