In reading the seventh aliyah of this opening parasha of VaYikra, I was a little bit awestruck by the Rashi comment on VaYikra 5:23. This entire portion is about offerings that one "shall" bring if a certain act is committed. (However, upon a closer reading now, the actual Hebrew for all of these "shall" offerings is imprecise as the Hebrew seems to only appear to bringing a certain type of korban in the future tense - one will bring a tenth of an ephah of flour, not one shall bring a tenth of an ephah of flour.)
But back to this fascinating Rashi. My Schottenstein interlinear Torah contains this note on the verse: "Wishing to repent, he confessed his guilt and came voluntarily to bring his offering. In Numbers 5:6, Rashi adds that he would not be liable to bring an offering without admitting his guilt, even if witnesses had testified to his guilt. Only one's voluntary wish to repent allows him to gain atonement through an offering."
I don't always agree with or, quite frankly, understand many commentaries by Rashi. And I certainly like to think of myself as a Torah student that likes and respects the commentaries but thinks that many contemporary Torah scholars immediately turn to a commentary to explain the Torah and then base a teaching or lesson on that commentary as opposed to working directly and diligently with the text itself. But this commentary by Rashi - this one just clicked.
Prior to reading it, my understanding of the korban was that it was cause and effect, sequential, if this then this, etc. Commit x sin, obligatorily bring y korban, and the kohen will grant you atonement. Easy.
But what was missing from this thinking is - of course - Judaism's treasured emphasis on free will. Free will! That anyone, within the boundaries that G-d sets for them, can basically commit any act freely - but that the inverse is the same - to achieve atonement for that act and return to H' also requires freely making an offering, which is a manifestation of a desire for atonement. In some objective sense, the free will of the turning back objectively and may literally undo the free will of completing the act in the first place.
Perhaps what is coursing through this parasha is that for the non-kohen, participating in the sacrificial rites are, while highly recommended, are not mandatory - and in fact only required if one seeks and desires atonement with G-d. This is an utterly mysterious and mystical part of life - seeking peace with a G-d that will (or may!) not ever talk back to me, recognize my atonement, or show me a crystal clear indication that my atonement has been achieved (and what would've been had I not voluntarily opted for this route). What a concept. In fact, the entirety of the mishkan rites are utterly shrouded in this mystery - we do it because we are commanded and may never know (although, again, some do) in this lifetime the actual and real effect of that action - other than how our lives play out after it. It is this type of thinking - that my experience is a direct result of my innermost intent and desire to have a relationship with G-d - which is most precious to me. As Rabbi Lawrence Kushner wrote so crisply in his kabbalistic hidden gem The River of Light, and I'm paraphrasing "spiritual speakers include those who find meaning in things that others don't." Amen.
Turning back to the parasha one more time, the Torah simply leaves the end result of each sacrifice as achieving "atonement." Not getting rich, not being happier, not even feeling or thinking a certain way - just achieving atonement. And without regard for anything outside of that - a "world to come," a redemptive era, or even Judaic karma (like gilgul) - that is sufficient for me.
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